Monday, September 15, 2014

PUP's Jacqui Lambie would be hilarious if she weren't so terrifying

When it comes to Australian comedy you can forget about The Chaser, The Roast, Dirty Laundry and any other pixelated products of their ABC's light entertainment department. Apart from the obvious and undeniable fact that they're all excruciatingly lame and unfunny, they're consistently trounced on the ol' wuckometer by reality itself.

Ironically, the very place where the above shows are made is where many of these cackworthy antics occur. The relentless arsehattery of smug, deluded ABC fat cats and bolshie blowhards is itself a comedy goldmine. Pathetic Mark Scott, surely the most hapless managing director in the history of the organization, is a sad clown if ever there was one. Or take Tony Barry, a pettifogging pinko paid truckloads of our cash to collate a weekly anile spitefest sliming Rupert Murdoch. The po-faced sanctimony of that aural army of sneering hipsters on Radio National supplies round the clock chortles, too.

Then there's Canberra, which delivers an even bigger barrel o' laughs. Every day in the halls of power it's life imitating satire, no doubt about it. Seriously, the nation's capital is chockas with human fart cushions.

For years -- no, decades -- the party that has consistently made satire redundant has been the Greens. The bong-addled ecotards are still at it of course. But their lunacy has become so routine and predictable you hardly notice it anymore. The ongoing farce that is Labor has also lost much of its power to amuse.

Without a doubt Parliament House's newest and reigning comedy troupe is PUP. As George Dubya Bush might say, "that dog don't hunt". But it's repeatedly put on a helluva show, barking, whining and howling up a storm. And for a finale it craps on the floor and humps your leg. Gross out humour at its finest, people.  

For a while this troupe's biggest gutbuster was Clive Palmer himself. But lately he's been eclipsed by another hound in the kennel. Currently Canberra's longest, loudest running joke is Jaqui Lambie.

What a memorable comic character she is! Lily Tomlin herself couldn't create anything so extreme. Firstly, there's the voice. If Gillard's ghastly faux-bogan croak gives you the shudders, Lambie's low growl will make your spine crack. Has there ever been a public figure with such a spectacularly repellent voice?

Then there's the obvious, ignorant malice that animates it. Lambie spits out her stupid thoughts in such an aggressive way you almost can't believe it. But just as well she cuts loose so often. You get the strong impression that if she didn't she'd constantly be on the verge of biffing someone! On a bad day she'd make bikies pack their dacks, I reckon. 

There have been repeated occasions in which she's beclowned herself utterly, trashing her office in the process. Take that cringe-worthy radio interview when she asked if a caller was well-hung. Then there was her and top dog Clive's massive faux pas on China, and her bloody-minded refusal to back down.

But while she's had many Aussies ROFL up to now, the guffaws are set to end. That's because her asinine scheme to have seats set aside for bona fide Aborigines surely has a lot of support from the tiny-minded but nonetheless numerous and immensely influential hucksters of the Oz Left's racial division, er, division.

Considering she herself claims to be Aboriginal and is currently threatening to sue a prominent figure who questions her claim to that status, if her proposal is implemented Lambie may well be around for a helluva lot longer than she would otherwise.

Quite frankly I don't know if we'd be able to recover from the damage such a sustained reign of rolling idiocy would surely inflict on Australia. This chilling possibility takes Lambie beyond a joke, which is why I'm not laughing anymore. 


  1. Ex-corporal [RACMP retired (medically unfit)] Lambie has got to be a hoax or a collective nightmare we are all having.
    Lemon sucker [I can negotiate with ISIL] Milne is a catastrophe but Lambie makes Milne look like a Disney movie.
    It's a pity Mansell didn't have the guts to call her on her threat to sue.

  2. Replies
    1. Not sure that she would have any. I always thought it was restricted to living organisms and she cannot be real or we are all doomed.

    2. Should have added a :-) to the end of that.

  3. Speaking of biffo, try this ...
    According to the electoral office: "A person who has been convicted and is under sentence, or subject to be sentenced, for an offence under Commonwealth or state law punishable by a prison sentence of 12 months or more" is not eligible for election.
    According to her published biographies, Lambie was demoted from corporal for assaulting a "fellow soldier", whilst intoxicated, when she was in the army.  Other than her Wikipedia entry and vague media comments attributed to her there is little public detail available about this incident.  If it were a civil offence then court records would be available.  This does not seem to be the case with military offences.
    Under the Defence Force Discipline Act 1982 (DFDA), Part III, Division 3, assaulting a superior officer or assaulting a subordinate carries a maximum penalty of 2 years gaol.  Assaulting a fellow soldier only carries a maximum penalty of 6 months gaol.
    Section 68 of the DFDA lists 14 punishments in the order of severity.  Reduction in rank is fifth on this list.  The four more severe punishments involve detention, imprisonment or dismissal from the defence force. so her offence was obviously considered to be serious.

    What are the details of her charge? 
    Why has the media ignored her violent past?
    Has anybody investigated/published the details of the offence?
    Was her victim the same rank or was he/she of a higher or lower rank? 
    Was it a 'one-punch' offence?
    Was her charge heard by a Courts Martial, a Defence Force Magistrate or by her Commanding Officer? 
    Was reduction in rank the only punishment or were other punishments (e.g. a fine ,loss of seniority, detention, good behaviour bond etc) included in her punishment.

    She was obviously convicted of a Commonwealth offence but we need to know the details of that offence because if she was convicted of an offence punishable by a prison sentence of 12 months or more then she might not even be eligible to sit in the Senate.

  4. Interesting points MP. Perhaps someone she seriously pisses off will make the necessary FOI - better if it were from a gummint pollie as it would be less likely to be lost in transit.

    1. I'm also surprised that the bloke she thumped has not come forward to tell his/her side of the story

  5. I thought Canberra would be boring after the election. No chance of that while Lambchump is popping out brainfarts.

  6. If you want to spoil your evening meal have a look at Pickering's latest cartoon featuring Tony Abbott and Lambchump. On Pickering Post.

    1. Good thing I have a cast iron gut, Dave.

    2. Marc she wants some bloke with a big donger but given her appearance the poor bugger would also need to be blind.

    3. If I'm in a bar and someone like her walks in and looks vaguely in my direction, I leave post haste.