The shark wars have certainly been pretty intense over here in the wild west from time to time. But lately, aside from the occasional group shriek and placard rattle from the local Carcharodon cuddlers there haven't been any major new developments. Until now that is.
See, down south at a charming little beach called Meelup a shark's severed head has been discovered stuck on a buoy.
No doubt many Gaia-worshipping activists will be brimming with lefteous indignation over this brazen act of ichthyophobic barbarism. Hell, some of them'll be so upset they'll prolly even drop their bongs and forget to lodge their dole forms.
That's kinda funny, and sad. Whenever they hear of the latest human beheading in the name of Islam most deep green socialists are like, "Meh." And if they are at all upset about it the next step is to assiduously avoid the, er, caliphant in the room and blame the bad ol' USA, Rupert Murdoch, or even Tony Abbott.
Which leads me to the probable identity of the head lopper in this particular case: The obvious choice would be a local surfer or fisherman who takes pleasure in riling shark-huggers.
But given the watery killing's unique and disturbing modus operandi, there's another less likely but still possible explanation. It might just be the first strike in a new campaign by Islamic State. Tired of battling for lands lost long ago, have they decided to defiantly claim the oceans as their own and rid the depths of infidels?
Remember that these people are crazy enough to kill you over a cartoon, and believe they'll be rewarded with 72 virgins in heaven if they blow themselves to smithereens in a crowded cafe. When you're that flat out, howling at the moon insane anything's possible, isn't it?
Frankly, I'll be quite relieved if this is the case. More dead sea fauna means less dead land people. And it will be nice to have the greenies on our side for once -- even if it's only 'cause they believe "the enemy of my enemy is my friend".
And it'll be gold for the tabloids. I can see the headlines now:
"The way we sea it." Jihadi describes plans for marine caliphate
Aquatic assassins dubbed Four Frogmen of the Apocalypse killed in massive scuba tank explosion
IS recruitment video extols virtues of porpoise driven life, joys of wet work
Islamic State flag lodged in floating, decapitated sea cow carcass. Oh the hu-manatee!
Headless body in topless aquarium
Hashtag #JeSuisSharkie trending on social media
Any others you'd like to suggest?